I broke into a house to make brownies and they were home
the real winner tonight is the pizza delivery guy who got to hand out pizza to famous actors…at the goddamn oscars
and got helped to do it by goddamn Brad Pitt.
Fact: blankets keep you safe at night. We dont know what from, but they are definitely an immunity against something.
(Source: bearholdt, via fuckitgetwild)
I must admit, Jack, I thought I had you figured. But it turns out you’re a hard man to predict.
(Source: iamnevertheone, via un-petit-mort)
If you come out of a concert looking the same way you did when you went in, you’re doing it wrong
I thought this meant I was supposed to walk backwards out of the exit