ocebutt:

dooptown:

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again

YOU DO NOT NEED TO BRING YOUR GUN TO THE GROCERY STORE

how does america even function like it sounds like a video game or something. grand theft freedom.

see your’e kinda joking, but i walked in a walmart and there was an american flag clad gentleman with a 12 gauge. like wHAT IS YOUR PLAN DUDE?

(via un-petit-mort)

katbot:

Professor: Your essay must be 3,000 - 6,000 words

Me: image

(via un-petit-mort)

foxalpha:

falstafff:

i don’t understand why people don’t instantly respond to “what would your dream superpower be” with the ability to manipulate probability.
think about it. what’s the chance someone will drop 1mil in front of me? 0%? let’s make that 100%. what’s the probability i’ll wake up tomorrow and be X gender? 100%. what’s the probability my bathtub is filled with mac and cheese? 100%.

as a casino employee I can confirm this would be terrifying as fuck

(via amostunsuitablepet)

petrus-peloponnesus:

hiddlesbatchlove:

lilmissitalia:

If there’s a “heavens no” and a “hell yes” why isn’t there a “purgatory maybe”

PURGHAPS

i spat my drink

(Source: lilmiss-fallen-pancake, via un-petit-mort)

fuckitimdonewiththis:

mexicuana:

juliawiinchester:

juliawiinchester:

And now my dad hides the salt from me…

A few days after the salt line incident, the lights flickered in the kitchen and my dad looked at me and said “don’t you dare. You lost your salt privileges”

you lost your salt privileges

#howtopunishahunter

(via un-petit-mort)

To the guy who called my yoga “spiritual nonesense”

Namaste motherfucker, my abs are hella dope

The beautiful United States of America

(Source: leodcaprio, via un-petit-mort)

Every Tumblr user ever

  • Me when I joined Tumblr: How do I start using this thing
  • Me now: How do I stop using this thing

at a horror movie

  • bf: are you scared?
  • me: in this economy who wouldn't be

nutella:

gettin real tired of my own bullshit

(Source: reinapepiada, via crystalisedscars)

ne-yo:

Does Canada even have a president or is it just whichever moose has the strongest antlers

(via un-petit-mort)

phantasmaldexterity:

i almost scrolled away
almost

(Source: chemkitt, via amostunsuitablepet)

vesley:

Wasn’t puberty supposed to make me hot

(via un-petit-mort)